Written By Amy T. Granite, saysgranite.com
Make no mistake, sissies; this is wing war, not a cupcake fucking social. Since September 2010, equipped with bravery and iron-clad gut, I've battled 13 establishments and the chickens they serve all-too-often disgraced by ill preparations and the worst seasoning of all: hype.
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'Nuff said. After reading this filth by a restaurant and bar that's been open just a few months, I showed up ready to go Morimoto on someone's ass.
First things first: it was hard to give stink eye to the bartender as he asked what charity I'd like part of my wing bill to benefit. Then he moved on to describe the 'Buffalo wings' as having a 'Franks RedHot Sauce base' and the war face was back on! This battle isn't about the kids! It's about curing San Diego from its serious, far-reaching affliction with this wretched hot sauce!
Despite my feelings about Frank's, I went with the bartender's recommendation for the 2 most popular wing varieties: the Buffalo and the Sweet and Spicy. I was about to order 2 complete orders, but was warned of the large amounts of meat I was about to encounter. I laugh and stuff in the face of bulky meat, but took the recommendation to split one order with both styles anyway. Thank you. Seriously.
South Park Abbey slow-smokes their wings and then fries them to order before coating with your choice of BBQ, Asian, Apricot Chipotle, Sweet & Spicy, Buffalo, Hot, or 'Tough Guy' sauces. Wing War hasn't seen any smoked wings, and boy do I consider these a sneak attack after all.
I tore into a Sweet and Spicy wing with the voracity of a starving beast; its sticky-sweet, sriracha-based sauce covered the crunchy skin that protected soft, smoky chicken flesh like a coat of armor. The pure, unscathed meat was absolutely succulent, juicy, and fall-off-the-bone delightful. The smokiness worked so well with the sauce, I came close to saying 'these are the most harmonious wings in the battle thus far,' but I literally couldn't stop smacking my teeth long enough to utter a word.
The Buffalo variety, despite their evil red sauce 'base,' exceeded most of the 'hot wings' I've tried so far. My biggest beef here was that the strong, smoky flavor of the meat didn't quite work with the vinegary hot sauce. My taste buds couldn't focus on either strong flavor' however, there was no denying the spruced up Buffalo sauce was better than I thought it would be, and the skins weren't as crispy as the Sweet and Spicy, whose sauce was more of a 'glaze.' Nonetheless, I wasn't gnawing at flesh and bones like the deplorable Dirty Birds wings I tried early in Wing War. The meat at South Park Abbey was almost melting in my mouth.
And so, ladies and gents, we have an exception to the overwhelming evidence that suggests 'hype' the nastiest seasoning of all (besides Frank's) in battle Wing War. I'm naming South Park Abbey's Sweet and Spicy slow-smoked wings one of the top 3 contenders alongside URBN and Golden Chopsticks. 3 neighborhoods, 3 different styles and preparations, all duking it out for number one. Who will soar to the top? I've still gotta work my way through the other sauces available at South Park Abbey, and in the meantime, so should you.
